Dear warrior queens and kings,
Thank you, thank you and thank you again for the continued support it means so much to me and you have no idea how much you help to grow #itshermelanin and how much you inspire me to continue writing. So far in the Peace of mind series we’ve talked about toxic relationships and that oh so famous ride or die relationship, if you haven’t managed to catch them just click on the titles and then come back and check out the third instalment in the series.
Great, you’re back … you know what to do grab that ginger beer and get comfy warrior!
We’ve all been there…you’ve just broken up with toxic BAE or you’ve just got out of that relationship that wasn’t healthy for your peace of mind but it was hella exciting. It’s Saturday night and you’re wondering why you’re sitting reading a blog rather than being out doing what you and you’re ex toxic BAE did best. The silence is numbing and you’re are bored.. VERY bored, you don’t have your friends to hang out with because you feel like they will feel some type of way because you’re suddenly interested in hanging out with them again.
Call them anyway! Don’t do the silly thing and holla at that toxic ex BAE that you just managed to finally close the door on or worse DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT REPLACE TOXIC BAE with TOXIC BAE 2.0, it’s not worth it! In all seriousness I know it’s hard believe me but you have done so well in trying to get away from them that if you suddenly let them back into you’re life it would destroy all the work that you have done! On a little side note if you’ve let toxic bae back in you need to go back to the first post in the peace of mind series and read it again. I say this not to sound judgmental but I say this as your fellow warrior and if you like, accountability partner. You do not know me personally but I care about you and we both know you deserve better than what toxic bae has to offer you.
But Tisha, the silence is still here…..
And it will be for a while, in fact it is something that you have to get used to and use it as a time to figure out what’s left of you. Think about who you were before you met Toxic bae…did you like the person you was? do you want to get back to that person? or do you want to re-invent yourself? Don’t be rolling you’re eyes at me! I know it seems like the whole DO YOU narrative is over saturated but believe me it’s a narrative that I love! As long as I’m not hurting myself or others.
DO YOU does not translate as DESTROY YOURSELF.
We are big babies, point blank! We don’t get our own way and then we act up. Don’t pretend you’re too nice, we are all guilty of it and it’s because it’s what we did before our lovely caribbean parents “disciplined us” …for those of you that don’t have caribbean parents don’t even worry about it. For real though, take the midlife crisis for example you hit 45 and you decide it’s a great idea to get into race car driving yet you don’t even know how to drive a car with 5 gears, you still pursue race car driving though because you don’t like the fact that you’re getting old. You go through a bad break-up and decide numbing the pain (acting up) with alcohol, sex, over-eating and drugs is the best solution, nah fam too much of something is bad for you.
So, what does DO YOU mean?
DO YOU is basically another way of saying LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE ! Let’s go back to those questions I told you to ask yourself earlier. WAIT! first, grab a piece of paper or bring up the notes on your phone and write them down:
- Who were before you met Toxic bae.?
- Did you like the person you was? If yes Why? If no why?
Write down the parts of your old self you would like to keep, the parts you want to grow and the parts you would like to become. Now, stop and take it all in, remind yourself of the person you was or want to be and get back to being YOU, DO YOU and LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE.
I DON’T KNOW WHO I WAS, I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM!
This may seem like the heartbreaking part but really it is the fun part, this is your chance to really define who you are and aim to be. Start with your core beliefs …Are you a person of faith? What is important in your life? Is there something that you won’t compromise anymore?
Next, think about what you want to start doing for your own self-care… Do you want to start seeing a therapist? Do you want to start journalling? Is the gym a way for you to de-stress? Are you going to start having one night a week where you do a routine of a relaxing bath, candles and some of your fav music?
Last but certainly not least think about the new hobbies you would like to take up. Once you’ve found something of interest i’d suggest doing it alone, get used to your own company and once you’re cool with you invite people or make new friends with similar interests.
Giving back …
Another great tip for dealing with silence, feeling lost and feeling empty is giving back. I don’t just mean giving money to a charity, that’s great but what’s even better than giving your money? Giving your time! Mentor a younger person in your family or go and volunteer at a school, local charity or even festival. Investing your time and energy into something other than yourself can create a sense of gratitude for the life you have and it can also start to grow your sense of self worth. Best of all you can make a huge positive impact on someone else’s life.
So, warrior …What are you waiting for? Turn the silence into self discovery. That wrap’s up todays blog post warriors, see you tomorrow for our last post in the peace of mind series (sad face)!
Peace and love TishaJayy xxx