May 7th – Waiting, creating and letting go.

Dear Queens and Kings,

It’s been a long time beautiful people and I have so much to tell you. You know the drill grab a ginger beer and get comfy.

Waiting….

The truth is that I had to wait to post because of so many reasons, I mean I could have posted for postings sake and gave you guys posts upon posts of rubbish or I could have waited and gave you something worth reading.

Another reason that I was waiting to post was because I had writers block something that I just couldn’t kick, I knew what I wanted to write about but to be honest I had no idea how to start it.

The last reason is that I NEEDED a break and you may be thinking but Tisha, you had a break! and to answer you I had a break but that break was spent catching up with uni work and this break was partly spent catching up but also finishing the first draft of my BOOK! Yes, you read it properly I have written a book. Writing a book is a personal dream of mine that has been in the pipelines for the past 2/3years but there will be more about that in the following weeks.

Creating….

The process of writing a book is exciting, tiring, fulfilling, emptying, empowering, condemning and like that breath you take when you emerge from the water when swimming. I spent hours writing, editing and deleting content, I had to search through old journals of mine and literally inspire myself and the most hard part of all was reliving all the experience that were ones I had totally forgotten about because of the pain they caused me.

The reliving of the pain also made me very uninspired and it was not until coming to the end of finishing my book that my flame for writing was relit; THE PIA TOUR. To those of you that don’t know what the Pia tour is… I am truly disappointed in you, instead of me FANGIRLING click here to watch he promo vid for the Pia tour.

The Pia tour is a poetry concert/theatrical performance by Ezekiel Azonwu, Janette…Ikz, Preston Perry and Jackie Hill-Perry. It was amazing and woke me up to the work I still had to do.

Creating this book was a process that turned me fearful because suddenly I was writing about my faith and myself in an unapologetic authentic way. I was taking the very things that make me and putting them on a platform that means that people will see right through me and it simply meant that I became vulnerable. Being vulnerable was a state that I hated wholeheartedly but now, vulnerability means power, growth, humility, testimony, truth and it means letting go of promises made by the enemy within.

Letting go…  

Wanting to let go of doubtful voices from within and outside means that I was/am being led by faith and faith alone. Faith that God will send the holy spirit to make me bold and confident in the work that I do to bring people into Gods fatherly arms. Letting go gave me focus and purpose and meant that I had a lot more energy to spend living out my God given purpose.

It also meant that I got to set 3 goals for April/March:

  1. Make my body clock wake me up at 6.30am.
  2. Sort my eating out; fast food, high sugars and stupid amounts of meat were literally feeding my cysts (check out my last post for more info about my cysts).    
  3. Work my butt off.

Body clock = 6.30am

For why?!?! because my brain goes overtime constantly, I made a plan that meant If utilised my week days more I would not feel exhausted when it came to the weekend. This theory of mine actually worked and now (even though I’ve just finished catching up) means that i’m up to date with my what was once LONG to-do-list and I don’t feel as if I have no time to myself anymore. I mean Yes the majority of my time is taken up with #itshermelanin, my masters degree and work but I am happy with those choices.

Sorting out my eating!

I don’t know if you guys know this but I LOVE FOOD! No, I mean I literally used to idolise food, so much so that it was making my body unwell (feeding my cysts). Now making false idols of anything is totally stupid and I’ve changed my diet by dulling my taste buds; no I’m not going to tell you exactly how because I am a student Dramatherapist and writer not a doctor or nutritionist. What I did/currently doing is well researched and is working for my body type, I will give you a hint I am leaning towards a more natural way of eating.

Working hard!!

This one took a lot of self reflection, advice from mentors and talks with my mom. It killed me because as far as I was concerned I was working to my limit but my mom knew I could give it a bit more. This is not to say she didn’t appreciate how much I had worked but that she believed in my capabilities If I just pushed myself a little more.

The greatest pieces of advice that I got was:

  1. Don’t work for someone else all day and not work on your dreams, give your dreams at least an hour of your time each day.
  2. Be your biggest critic but don’t be a perfectionist, your work is your work be proud that you made it.
  3. Set your own standard and make your own way of doing ‘it’ what ever ‘it’ is.
  4. Be prepared to get disheartened, for people not to like every think you do and for some people to just not get it.
  5. Have a plan and set achievable goals.
  6. At those times you think ‘you can’t do it’ BELIVE that God can.

Until next time you beautiful people,

peace and love

TishaJayyy xxx

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