Waiting ? For why?

Hey beautiful Queens and kings,

I hope your week went well and If your 9-5 is at a school (like me) I hope you’re ready to enjoy this half term, to my fellow educators we earned it! You should know the deal by now, grab a ginger beer and get comfy because we’re about to go deep this week!

Drawn out?

How many of you guys have bee feeling like you’ve been drawn out from everything you once found fun, exciting or felt like you needed? Just in case you can’t see it my hand is up HA. I have been stripped of everything I was leaning on for my happiness, everything but my faith.

Reflecting I had realised that my bodily health went pear shaped, my job was up in the air because I didn’t know if I would have been able to work the days I would be available next academic year, I don’t have a man in my life, I’m unsure If I can have kids, I had lost people in my life who I cared about deeply and I also felt like I had no one to lean on or moan to (see my last post about my tribe). Now If you have read last weeks post you will know that I felt alone and in being alone I have felt drawn out from my crutches; those things/people I leaned on when I needed support.

Your past is….your past.

I know you’re thinking *cue the attitude* ‘Your past is your past? you don’t say’ but bare with me. I know that we all SEE that our past is our past because that’s what time and dates tell us BUT our need to LIVE in our past is VERY REAL. It’s like for some reason (whether you’re christian or not) we love to cling onto our past and we love to remind ourselves of what happened a week ago, a month ago or even year ago. We all seem to want the break through in our lives yet we don’t how to break free of our past experiences which are now serving as chains rather than spring boards into our blessings. Okay, hold up! For those you that think your poop smell like roses *rolling eyes* read the next part of this blog post with an open heart. So, you and your old friends have drifted apart and when I say drifted I mean God has drawn you out. Then, God brings you a new friend and you don’t want to get to know this friend because he/she doesn’t fit into what you USED to do with your OLD friends the one God drew you away from. A few weeks later you go and be talking to God like ‘why have you made me lonely? I want to be a godly woman/man but I don’t have no one who is like minded. God please send someone who is like me’.

This new friend that God has blessed you with wants to do things that you say you want to do but you aren’t active in doing them and so in your arrogance you swerve Gods blessing. YUP, BIG MISTAKE.

Living in the present!

To live in the present we must let change of ‘self’ happen and listen to what God is trying to tell us. For those of you that are like “How do I know what God is trying to tell me?”:

  1. Make sure you are in constant communication with God, it can be through prayer, journalling and praise (build a relationship).
  2. Make sure what you think God is telling you aligns with the bible (the truth), Im not saying that God will tell you to do wrong things..I’m telling you the enemy will try sneak in smelling of sweetness.
  3. Be still and wait (whilst you wait fasting is great, it can be traditional fasting from food but what helps me is fasting from things like TV, social media and sometimes certain places/people).

The wait is a major key!

Us 21st century humans love to get results fast, we seem to think that we should get things in a microwaved fashion. What we fail to realise is that sometimes microwaved things don’t always taste great and the quality isn’t as great as it could of been if it was oven made. In waiting God gives us direction and guidance from the holy spirit, I mean If Jesus was led into the wilderness by the holy spirit we sure can humble ourselves to be guided by it too. When we are waiting we may be being tested not necessarily by God but more so by the enemy; a big example of the in the bible is Jobs story. This is not a test to determine that we are not worthy of Gods love but is a testing of our faith both when we have ‘worldly wealth’ and when we are faced with a storm.

Waiting can also serve as preparation for your next season, God needs you to wait and seek him at deeper level so that he can prepare you for your future. God will never give us something that that we cannot handle (by his strength of course), he will not send us in blind, he is our biggest supporter and encourager and he is for us not against us.

So, the next time God draws you out to call you to wait make sure you listen and be disciplined in doing so.

“Be still and know that I am God. I will exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” Psalms 46:10

Peace and love

TishaJayy xxx

 

 

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What tribe? Trust who?

Hey Queens and kings,

It’s nearly Monday and some of you, like me are thinking urgh! I spent the whole weekend working or studying *rolling eyes emoji* where was my tribe at? Do I even have a tribe? and then something called trust or lack of comes creeping into your mind. Yup I’m going there! So, grab your ginger beer guys and get ready to feel some type of way!

Me, Myslef and I…

Fortunately I have a great tribe which consists of some amazing friends and family but because I’ve got so much on my plate at the moment I rarely have ‘Me time’ let alone time to socialise. This being said I always try to whatsapp/text or snap them once a week. It also means that when I don’t do that I start to think ‘hold up, this friend didn’t bother checking in on me’ or ‘Are they really my friends?’. I start going into ‘I can do good all by myself’ mode, I see you …don’t act like you don’t do this too.

But then, the worst happens and by the worst I mean; the essay you’ve been working on didn’t save properly, someone ate that food you’d been saving or you didn’t get the job you wanted even though you know you smashed the panel. Suddenly, ‘I can do good all by myself’ mode doesn’t seem too pretty and you start to want someone who you can talk rubbish to at 3am, someone who is there when you get rushed into hospital or that friend who is your Iron and edit reads the first draft of your book that is coming out at the end of June (Shameless plug alert HA). Shockingly, I becomes much more damaging than self, Tisha what are you even talking about?!

The self and I…   

These are my thoughts on the self and I, so bare with me Queens and Kings! So in my opinion, ‘I’ is the part of us that turns what we think is self love into something more damaging. For example we (me included) let past hurts make us have trust issues and so we stop ourselves from getting close to people (our view of self love) God has put in your life for a reason and so we end up lonely, get it? We are too afraid of things of this world and unaware of Gods divine plan for our lives and how he makes things work together for our good.

Whereas the ‘Self’, again in my opinion, is the part of us that is constantly evolving. The part of us that listens to God and gives people a chance to get close to us, the part of us that through the storms allows God to provide us with a tribe that will be there for us when we need them and lastly it’s the part of us that pours into other people.

God and therapy… 

I’ve talked about God a lot in this post because I’d be so low, if I didn’t have God in my life, it may seem crazy to you but my relationship with God sustains me through everything I go through. This world throws so much at me and sometimes really tries to make my faith weak but knowing I have God gives me the peace of mind that I’ve always needed. Without even knowing it, God and my faith has been apart of my therapy for a long time. Therapy as I’ve explained before was something that I thought only people who thought they had ‘problems needed’, as a part of my course I  have to have some form of arts therapy. Oh my, how it made me really get to know the ‘I’ part of me. Therapy is allowing me to be confronted by parts of myself I didn’t know I had or chose to ignore and God and my faith are giving me the love, safety, power and confidence I need to re-align myself. It’s very hard for some people to understand but both have helped me navigate through this temporary time I have.

Ending note … 

Let God establish your tribe and don’t let the enemy attack it. – TishaJayy

peace and love TishaJayy

Being single, struggle or nah?

Dear Queens and kings,

I hope your week has been good and If it hasn’t then I’m sorry, lets try and make next week better. If you’re a regular you know what to do, grab your ginger beer and get comfy but If you’re new I suggest you go and read some earlier posts and posts that give you a little bit of insight about my last few months.

You’re back! Great….

So, this week I want to talk about being single… I can hear some of you saying “For, why?!” and to that I say because there seems to be a negative stereotype attached to being single and a woman (I mean, I am one so I should know).

Does single mean you’re too picky and too independent?

It seems that as society progresses women are having babies at a later age and are choosing to focus on their career before starting a family. I am one of those women and yes I am only 22 but the constant reminder that ‘I need to settle down soon before my time runs out’ is deafening loud. Apparently ‘a young woman like me should have a gang of men lining up’ and it’s not that I don’t have potential men that I could date, its just that none of them are what I need/deserve. I have kissed a few frogs and the more frogs you kiss the more you realise theres a perfectly imperfect prince God is setting aside for you.

Now, don’t get me wrong sometimes I’m like “God, everybody is settling down; getting married and having babies and then there is me getting too excited when the waiter brings out my food”. Sometimes it’s a little upsetting/irritating and can seem to appear unfair that you are the only single person in social situations.

On the other hand I get to develop more, I get to do what I want when I want. I could book a holiday, change my career or buy a new car without having to worry about anyone else. The most important thing I have been able to do is find God which has meant that I have then found myself.

Does that mean you don’t want a man?

Bruh? Come on now, of course I’d love to be with someone and build our future together but at the same time I am slowly starting to realise that this ‘single season’ should be met with 24/7 work rate (in all areas of my life). I’m constantly working and trying to evolve into the woman God desired me to be. So, If God brings him my way then I wouldn’t complain but I’m focused on building right now.

To wrap this one up I’m going to leave you with a question:

What are you building?

Peace and love,

TishaJayy xxx

May 7th – Waiting, creating and letting go.

Dear Queens and Kings,

It’s been a long time beautiful people and I have so much to tell you. You know the drill grab a ginger beer and get comfy.

Waiting….

The truth is that I had to wait to post because of so many reasons, I mean I could have posted for postings sake and gave you guys posts upon posts of rubbish or I could have waited and gave you something worth reading.

Another reason that I was waiting to post was because I had writers block something that I just couldn’t kick, I knew what I wanted to write about but to be honest I had no idea how to start it.

The last reason is that I NEEDED a break and you may be thinking but Tisha, you had a break! and to answer you I had a break but that break was spent catching up with uni work and this break was partly spent catching up but also finishing the first draft of my BOOK! Yes, you read it properly I have written a book. Writing a book is a personal dream of mine that has been in the pipelines for the past 2/3years but there will be more about that in the following weeks.

Creating….

The process of writing a book is exciting, tiring, fulfilling, emptying, empowering, condemning and like that breath you take when you emerge from the water when swimming. I spent hours writing, editing and deleting content, I had to search through old journals of mine and literally inspire myself and the most hard part of all was reliving all the experience that were ones I had totally forgotten about because of the pain they caused me.

The reliving of the pain also made me very uninspired and it was not until coming to the end of finishing my book that my flame for writing was relit; THE PIA TOUR. To those of you that don’t know what the Pia tour is… I am truly disappointed in you, instead of me FANGIRLING click here to watch he promo vid for the Pia tour.

The Pia tour is a poetry concert/theatrical performance by Ezekiel Azonwu, Janette…Ikz, Preston Perry and Jackie Hill-Perry. It was amazing and woke me up to the work I still had to do.

Creating this book was a process that turned me fearful because suddenly I was writing about my faith and myself in an unapologetic authentic way. I was taking the very things that make me and putting them on a platform that means that people will see right through me and it simply meant that I became vulnerable. Being vulnerable was a state that I hated wholeheartedly but now, vulnerability means power, growth, humility, testimony, truth and it means letting go of promises made by the enemy within.

Letting go…  

Wanting to let go of doubtful voices from within and outside means that I was/am being led by faith and faith alone. Faith that God will send the holy spirit to make me bold and confident in the work that I do to bring people into Gods fatherly arms. Letting go gave me focus and purpose and meant that I had a lot more energy to spend living out my God given purpose.

It also meant that I got to set 3 goals for April/March:

  1. Make my body clock wake me up at 6.30am.
  2. Sort my eating out; fast food, high sugars and stupid amounts of meat were literally feeding my cysts (check out my last post for more info about my cysts).    
  3. Work my butt off.

Body clock = 6.30am

For why?!?! because my brain goes overtime constantly, I made a plan that meant If utilised my week days more I would not feel exhausted when it came to the weekend. This theory of mine actually worked and now (even though I’ve just finished catching up) means that i’m up to date with my what was once LONG to-do-list and I don’t feel as if I have no time to myself anymore. I mean Yes the majority of my time is taken up with #itshermelanin, my masters degree and work but I am happy with those choices.

Sorting out my eating!

I don’t know if you guys know this but I LOVE FOOD! No, I mean I literally used to idolise food, so much so that it was making my body unwell (feeding my cysts). Now making false idols of anything is totally stupid and I’ve changed my diet by dulling my taste buds; no I’m not going to tell you exactly how because I am a student Dramatherapist and writer not a doctor or nutritionist. What I did/currently doing is well researched and is working for my body type, I will give you a hint I am leaning towards a more natural way of eating.

Working hard!!

This one took a lot of self reflection, advice from mentors and talks with my mom. It killed me because as far as I was concerned I was working to my limit but my mom knew I could give it a bit more. This is not to say she didn’t appreciate how much I had worked but that she believed in my capabilities If I just pushed myself a little more.

The greatest pieces of advice that I got was:

  1. Don’t work for someone else all day and not work on your dreams, give your dreams at least an hour of your time each day.
  2. Be your biggest critic but don’t be a perfectionist, your work is your work be proud that you made it.
  3. Set your own standard and make your own way of doing ‘it’ what ever ‘it’ is.
  4. Be prepared to get disheartened, for people not to like every think you do and for some people to just not get it.
  5. Have a plan and set achievable goals.
  6. At those times you think ‘you can’t do it’ BELIVE that God can.

Until next time you beautiful people,

peace and love

TishaJayyy xxx