WHEN LOVE COMES KNOCKING |PEACE OF MIND SERIES.

Dear warrior queens and kings,

Let us pay homage to the last post in the peace of mind series and have a moment of silence for the fact that this is the last post (sad face)! Let us briefly catch up on what we’ve talked about so far so… on Thursday we went straight in at the deep end and talked about Toxic relationships, on Friday we talked about different types of ride or die relationships and yesterday which just so happens to be my favourite post we talked about the silence and its transformative powers. Time to get stuck into ‘When love come knocking’….Grab your ginger beer and Sunday dinner!

Tisha, Why?

I know in the last post I gave you tips and tricks on re-discovering you but what I need you to understand is that this new level of you will attract new types of people who might be showing you love! It may be romantically, platonically or even business wise but they’re still showing you love/interest in you. I need to make sure that my warrior is open to love and not protecting themselves by being totally switched of because of the fear of repeating what toxic bae brought to your life. Side note I kid you not, I am speaking from experience and probably will need to read this post a couple dozen times.

Letting love in + Vulnerability = Hurt…AGAIN!

We, meaning myself and you have this weird equation in our heads and I don’t know about you but I’ve always been rubbish at maths. Letting love in and being vulnerable may just open up the possibility of being hurt but it also opens up possibilities of new experiences, new love, new faith in people, new growth, new riches and new lessons. It gives us POWER because letting love in and being vulnerable gives us the chance to evolve into the next level of ourselves and to me that sounds exciting. More exciting than being caged in by fear anyway!

What if it hurts though?

Welp, then it hurts! BUT this time you know who you are! You know that it was their loss! And you certainly know that you can easily go back to your self care routine and get back to YOU! Let me go back and not sound so harsh, I’m sorry it hurt and I know it makes you feel like poo and you start contemplating giving up on humans and going to a secluded island with just you and pet ball called Wilson. Stay focused though, theres a whole lot life out there just waiting for you to experience it.

That’s enough…

It has come to that time warriors, I feel like I should write more but to be honest this post is just perfect as it it. Funnily enough it serves as a metaphor for how you should view yourself, warrior you are enough, you are exactly where you need to be and where you need to be is exactly where you are. See you next Sunday for another post!

peace and love TishaJayy xxx

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THE SILENCE | PEACE OF MIND SERIES.

Dear warrior queens and kings,

Thank you, thank you and thank you again for the continued support it means so much to me and you have no idea how much you help to grow #itshermelanin and how much you inspire me to continue writing. So far in the Peace of mind series we’ve talked about toxic relationships and that oh so famous ride or die relationship, if you haven’t managed to catch them just click on the titles and then come back and check out the third instalment in the series.

Great, you’re back … you know what to do grab that ginger beer and get comfy warrior!

The silence 

We’ve all been there…you’ve just broken up with toxic BAE or you’ve just got out of that relationship that wasn’t healthy for your peace of mind but it was hella exciting. It’s Saturday night and you’re wondering why you’re sitting reading a blog rather than being out doing what you and you’re ex toxic BAE did best. The silence is numbing and you’re are bored.. VERY bored, you don’t have your friends to hang out with because you feel like they will feel some type of way because you’re suddenly interested in hanging out with them again.

Call them anyway! Don’t do the silly thing and holla at that toxic ex BAE that you just managed to finally close the door on or worse DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT REPLACE TOXIC BAE with TOXIC BAE 2.0, it’s not worth it! In all seriousness I know it’s hard believe me but you have done so well in trying to get away from them that if you suddenly let them back into you’re life it would destroy all the work that you have done! On a little side note if you’ve let toxic bae back in you need to go back to the first post in the peace of mind series and read it again. I say this not to sound judgmental but I say this as your fellow warrior and if you like, accountability partner. You do not know me personally but I care about you and we both know you deserve better than what toxic bae has to offer you.

But Tisha, the silence is still here…..

And it will be for a while, in fact it is something that you have to get used to and use it as a time to figure out what’s left of you. Think about who you were before you met Toxic bae…did you like the person you was? do you want to get back to that person? or do you want to re-invent yourself? Don’t be rolling you’re eyes at me! I know it seems like the whole DO YOU narrative is over saturated but believe me it’s a narrative that I love! As long as I’m not hurting myself or others.

DO YOU does not translate as DESTROY YOURSELF.

We are big babies, point blank! We don’t get our own way and then we act up. Don’t pretend you’re too nice, we are all guilty of it and it’s because it’s what we did before our lovely caribbean parents “disciplined us” …for those of you that don’t have caribbean parents don’t even worry about it. For real though, take the midlife crisis for example you hit 45 and you decide it’s a great idea to get into race car driving yet you don’t even know how to drive a car with 5 gears, you still pursue race car driving though because you don’t like the fact that you’re getting old. You go through a bad break-up and decide numbing the pain (acting up) with alcohol, sex, over-eating and drugs is the best solution, nah fam too much of something is bad for you.

So, what does DO YOU mean?

DO YOU is basically another way of saying LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE ! Let’s go back to those questions I told you to ask yourself earlier. WAIT! first, grab a piece of paper or bring up the notes on your phone and write them down:

  • Who were before you met Toxic bae.?
  • Did you like the person you was? If yes Why? If no why?

Write down the parts of your old self you would like to keep, the parts you want to grow and the parts you would like to become. Now, stop and take it all in, remind yourself of the person you was or want to be and get back to being YOU, DO YOU and LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE.

I DON’T KNOW WHO I WAS, I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM! 

This may seem like the heartbreaking part but really it is the fun part, this is your chance to really define who you are and aim to be. Start with your core beliefs …Are you a person of faith? What is important in your life? Is there something that you won’t compromise anymore?

Next, think about what you want to start doing for your own self-care… Do you want to start seeing a therapist? Do you want to start journalling? Is the gym a way for you to de-stress? Are you going to start having one night a week where you do a routine of a relaxing bath, candles and some of your fav music?

Last but certainly not least think about the new hobbies you would like to take up. Once you’ve found something of interest i’d suggest doing it alone, get used to your own company and once you’re cool with you invite people or make new friends with similar interests.

Giving back …  

Another great tip for dealing with silence, feeling lost and feeling empty is giving back. I don’t just mean giving money to a charity, that’s great but what’s even better than giving your money? Giving your time! Mentor a younger person in your family or go and volunteer at a school, local charity or even festival. Investing your time and energy into something other than yourself can create a sense of gratitude for the life you have and it can also start to grow your sense of self worth. Best of all you can make a huge positive impact on someone else’s life.

So, warrior …What are you waiting for? Turn the silence into self discovery. That wrap’s up todays blog post warriors, see you tomorrow for our last post in the peace of mind series (sad face)!

Peace and love TishaJayy xxx

 

RIDE OR DIE | Peace of mind series.

Dear warrior queens and kings,

Before you even grab your ginger bear i suggest you check out yesterdays post on TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS….go ahead and then come back to this post.

Good, you’re back so as you can tell from the title of this post we are going to talking about ride or die type of relationships and why I love one type of ride or die over the other type of ride or die.

RIDE: to move along  in any way; be carried or supported.

OR: either …or.

DIE: to cease to live, undergo the complete and permanent cessation of all vital functions; become dead.

Ride or die: popular culture 

Have you heard the term “You my ride or die or nah?” or seen a photo with the caption “My hitta #rideordie”? Too often you say? well, me too. Before all you shade throwers start coming at me with the “Tisha, you just bitter cuz you is single!”, let me just tell you it nuh guh suh. For my non speaking patios warriors that translates as “that is not the case at all”. I have no problem with seeing loved up couples on my timeline but what I do have a problem with is the constant glamorisation of the type of “ride or die” from pop culture.

What you talking about Wilis? Well, what I am talking about is the over force feeding of ‘ride or die’ narrative that says “Imma stick with you no matter what” and the no matter what being abuse, criminal activity or serial cheating (cheating once is not okay but I understand why people forgive, cheating twice YOURRRR OUTT!). We see it in popular music videos like ‘Bonnie and Clyde’ – Beyonce and Jay-z where they are on the run from the po po (a song that 2pac originally created talking about his gun) and I’m sure Bey and Jay did a tour named ‘on the run’. Oh Beyhive sit down, it’s not just them this narrative is sewed into popular culture and a naive, stupid and a lot younger Tisha brought into this idea *currently rolling my eyes at my younger self*.

In short the types of relationship I’m talking about are those toxic ones…check my last post.

Ride or die: the type I like 

So, believe it or not there is a type of ride or die relationship that I do aim for; the one that says I’m here for you emotionally, physically and spiritually, I wont leave you because theres no spark, I wont stop communicating because I’m mad at you, I will still be here for you after you go through your chemo treatment, I want to share how my day has been, I don’t always like you but I will always love you, I’m on my grown folk ish, lets build a legacy…you know the normal struggles not the wannabe in your grave too soon struggles. I know it sounds harsh but I’ve seen too many people waste their lives, time and energy because they wanted to be in the ‘ride or die’ relationship that I first talked about.

Avoiding the wrong type of Ride or Die

Simple. Stay single until you know what you want from a relationship, Don’t adhere to the ‘it’s cuffing season time to settle down’ and settle for less than you’re worth warrior.

Join me tomorrow for post three in #itshermelanin’s peace of mind series.

Love and peace TishaJayy xx

Toxic relationships|Peace of mind series.

Dear warrior queens and kings of course,

First of all grab yourself a glass of ginger beer and get comfortable because over the next four days I am going to be publishing a post. These posts will be apart of a four part series focusing on getting and holding onto your own peace of mind. Something that I’m learning to practice consistently….

It’s been a while…

Alright, alright, before we get into the post I can hear you asking “Yo, Tisha where you been though?” and the answer to that question is… Eventhough I don’t owe you an explanation…I’ve been here! I’ve been trying to network in order to build up an #itshermelanin tribe and I feel like I achieved it…somewhat anyway. I’ve also recently gone back to work and uni so getting back into the swing of fulltime plus overtime grind has been a struggle but your girl is getting there.

Why toxic relationships?

TOXIC: causing unpleasant feelings; harmful or malicious.

RELATIONSHIP: an emotional or other connection between people.

So, toxic ROMANTIC relationships have been in the forefront of my mind for years but I didn’t know it. Transparency alert Being slightly naive and a little selfish by letting my body/emotions rule me I haven’t really been good at FULLY closing the door on toxic relationships I have entertained. In short I let my wants overshadow my needs…If only I listened to and trusted myself.  Now we can all imagine that one person or few people, whether it romantic, platonic or professional, that are toxic for us. In some cases we may be that toxic person…no judgment.

Blinded by your grace manipulation?

When you’re in a toxic relationship we can sometimes be blinded by the other persons manipulation. What I mean by that is that a person can be abusive emotionally, physically and sexually (not an exclusive list). Yet we let the “but it was my reaction to what you did”or the “but you know I love you”or even the “It won’t happen again” overshadow how much the abuse/toxic actions actually harmed us. We let somebody else’s unhealthy behaviour be excused even if that means our physical, mental and or spiritual health is being compromised or worse damaged. We literally fool ourselves into thinking that THIS IS NORMAL when in reality if a friend, family member or even stranger  was in the same situation we would not hesitate to tell them run in the opposite direction. The difference is with our own toxic relationships is that we are IN it and so our other senses are some what switched off.

When we fall in love it releases the same chemical Dopemine that is activated when drugs like cocaine enter the body, you get it now? Falling in love is all good and well when we are in a healthy relationship but when we are not it can be our downfall.

How do I know I’m in a toxic relationship?

This one is tricky and If i’m honest I cant give you an exhaustive list but there are signs, the first one is a persons actions/words:

  •  Are they physically hurting you? It still counts even if there aren’t any bruises and if they say sorry.
  •  Are they hurting you with their words? It still counts even if they say they’re joking or say sorry.

The next thing I would look out for is patterns because lets be honest sometimes when it happens once we may be more inclined to look past it but when it happens more than once it sends a funny feeling down your spine.

The third thing is confrontation, when you confront them on their behaviour towards you are they reluctant to hear the truth? Do they get angry? or do they simply sweet talk you?<<<remember when we talked about manipulation?.

Okay, so Im in a toxic relationship. What do I do now?

This is where it gets tricky and this is where your tribe will come into play (if you haven’t already check out my pervious post all about your tribe here). I would strongly advise you to tell someone, anyone because even if you’re not able to get out of the toxic relationship you are in right away then at least someone knows what is going on. Forgive yourself, even though toxic relationships are not good for us they can also seem exciting. Be prepared to walk away AND close the door, meaning; block a number, move out and throw out any reminders.

Some of us do not have a tribe to go to and feel as though it would not be safe to walk away without any physical harm happening to us and if you are in this group of people I would recommend you seek help from a help line like:

The samaritans 

If as a result of leaving you are being threatened whether it be face to face through text or unexplained means then do repot it, it does not matter how small it may seem to you it is better to let the police help you.

I have left and now I don’t know what to do?

Leaving can be the first step in a sometimes long road to getting your peace of mind back and if you feel as though you need further help to explore the toxic relationship you was in then I would suggest some type of therapy/counselling. You can go to the BADTH website and find a Dramatherapist in your area.

I hope this wasn’t just a post of me rambling on and I hope you join me tomorrow for another post in the peace of mind series here at #itshermelanin.

Love and peace TishaJayy xxx

#Itshermelanin THE BOOK promo

Hey warriors,

So, this one is short and sweet….we have promo and yes I have done it backwards but hey, it is what it is! I really hope you enjoy this just over one min teaser for my NEW BOOK #Itshermelanin. so here is is:

peace and love

TishaJayy xx

 

Vacay 2017

So, it’s a gloomy Saturday morning and I’m sat in bed trying to figure out what to blog about. I’ve had writers block or should I say bloggers block for about two weeks now and it’s because I have so much to tell you warriors but I have no idea where to start. See my brain is constantly on 110.5% percent, this unfortunately means that I can become counterproductive because I’m trying to be productive. So, a way that I’ve cleared my mind is to stick to the less frequent micro blogging on #itshermelanin instagram and by journaling (journaling is sometimes better than fried plantain, yup that sweet HA!). So this blog post might be a little all over the place but bare with me and you know the drill grab your ginger beer and enjoy. 

First things first…

Let’s give our re-union a little bit of context, no I’m not being extra this is our lil re-union I feel like I’ve not blogged in 20-30 years and where meeting in our primary school hall having a chat about our lives whilst secretly hoping someone else confesses how much they’ve been struggling too. Okay, okay stop rolling your eyes maybe I am being a little dramatic and making something out of nothing but I’ve missed you warriors. 

Okay, let me actually start. So, I have completed my first year in my master degree in Dramatherapy. Phew, that was probably the single most stressful year in my life I can hear you saying “one little course bruk she suh” which translates as “can’t she handle on little course” but I kid you not been easy. I really want to share more on that but from a professional point of view it’s unethical or child antics so I will just leave my letter of recommendations to do the talking. Another thing I have written a book, now if you’re a warrior you should already know this but if you’re a new warrior then YUP WE HAVE A BOOK! #itshermelanin THE BOOK is now available on amazon or you can just click here. From the book and previous networking in the fabulously transformative theatre world I have been given an amazing opportunity with curve theatre eeek! But more on that a little later in the year. Finally the juice, the big pitch, the meat HAAH 

I finally went on vacation or holiday as us Brits like to call it. I went away with my mom and it was totally opposite to a normal holiday because 2017 had wore us both down so all we wanted was sun, beach, good food & limitless reading time. I literally wanted the holiday to re-charge my batteries and that’s exactly what I did. I also came to a conclusion about myself……

Self awareness…

After a rollercoaster of a conversation with my mom I realised that facing your flaws isn’t as scary or self-destructive as I thought. Confronting your flaws my seem scary and I’m not going to sell you a might want to shout, cry or hide in the darkest corner of the longest room you can possibly find but something else happens too. You simply grow, how I can best way I can illustrate this is by reminding you of that seen in the film The grinch, yup I was the grinch (gotta love that film), my heart expanded, knowcked me off my feet and had me thinking and later acting in ways I never thought I would again. Through facing apart of myself that wasn’t very pleasant I realised that trusting people is okay, don’t get me wrong it will hurt and it may even break you a little but buy using golden glue and giving yourself time to heal you can turn that pain into something beautiful. 

Golden glue…

So, I read somewhere that somewhere in the world (excuse my ignorance) that they fix broken pottery with liquid gold and remember that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken. This prompted me to think about the situations that have broken me …had I fixed myself with liquid gold? A year or so ago I would have said no but now, after this holiday, deep self examination and awareness I can honestly say yes. Even though you can see my cracks, I’m okay with that I’m okay with you knowing I used to be broken but I hope that you can look at me and think isn’t the repair of a broken thing beautiful. 

What defines beauty?

According to the dictionary (app of course) the 5th efinition down is: An individually pleasing or beautiful quality; grace; charm: a vivid blue area that is the one real beauty of the painting. So, beauty is one single thing about us that makes you look twice. It does not have to be physical it does not have to be by somebody else’s standard but by your own standards. Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder, beauty is yours to define.  

This could be a whole debate, I could literally go on for hours debating beauty and it’s many contexts. But for now I will let you face your flaws, heal from them & flaunt your golden crafted cracks. 

P.s the featured picture for this post was when we’re above the clouds OMG!!

Peace and love warriors 

TishaJayy xxx

#itshermelanin THE BOOK 

#itshermelanin the book is now available to purchase on Amazon warriors! <<<CLICK RIGHT THURRR! 
The book focus’ on growing up in Britain as a young black women of Caribbean decent; the chapters focus on fact and fictional experiences that are not only my own but also other people’s experiences too. 
There are themes of Queendom, love, sex, God, faith & coming of age. Here your voice through the countless voices in this book and enter world that is either very familiar or incredibly new 🌸🙌🏾
Peace and love 

TishaJayy xx

Waiting ? For why?

Hey beautiful Queens and kings,

I hope your week went well and If your 9-5 is at a school (like me) I hope you’re ready to enjoy this half term, to my fellow educators we earned it! You should know the deal by now, grab a ginger beer and get comfy because we’re about to go deep this week!

Drawn out?

How many of you guys have bee feeling like you’ve been drawn out from everything you once found fun, exciting or felt like you needed? Just in case you can’t see it my hand is up HA. I have been stripped of everything I was leaning on for my happiness, everything but my faith.

Reflecting I had realised that my bodily health went pear shaped, my job was up in the air because I didn’t know if I would have been able to work the days I would be available next academic year, I don’t have a man in my life, I’m unsure If I can have kids, I had lost people in my life who I cared about deeply and I also felt like I had no one to lean on or moan to (see my last post about my tribe). Now If you have read last weeks post you will know that I felt alone and in being alone I have felt drawn out from my crutches; those things/people I leaned on when I needed support.

Your past is….your past.

I know you’re thinking *cue the attitude* ‘Your past is your past? you don’t say’ but bare with me. I know that we all SEE that our past is our past because that’s what time and dates tell us BUT our need to LIVE in our past is VERY REAL. It’s like for some reason (whether you’re christian or not) we love to cling onto our past and we love to remind ourselves of what happened a week ago, a month ago or even year ago. We all seem to want the break through in our lives yet we don’t how to break free of our past experiences which are now serving as chains rather than spring boards into our blessings. Okay, hold up! For those you that think your poop smell like roses *rolling eyes* read the next part of this blog post with an open heart. So, you and your old friends have drifted apart and when I say drifted I mean God has drawn you out. Then, God brings you a new friend and you don’t want to get to know this friend because he/she doesn’t fit into what you USED to do with your OLD friends the one God drew you away from. A few weeks later you go and be talking to God like ‘why have you made me lonely? I want to be a godly woman/man but I don’t have no one who is like minded. God please send someone who is like me’.

This new friend that God has blessed you with wants to do things that you say you want to do but you aren’t active in doing them and so in your arrogance you swerve Gods blessing. YUP, BIG MISTAKE.

Living in the present!

To live in the present we must let change of ‘self’ happen and listen to what God is trying to tell us. For those of you that are like “How do I know what God is trying to tell me?”:

  1. Make sure you are in constant communication with God, it can be through prayer, journalling and praise (build a relationship).
  2. Make sure what you think God is telling you aligns with the bible (the truth), Im not saying that God will tell you to do wrong things..I’m telling you the enemy will try sneak in smelling of sweetness.
  3. Be still and wait (whilst you wait fasting is great, it can be traditional fasting from food but what helps me is fasting from things like TV, social media and sometimes certain places/people).

The wait is a major key!

Us 21st century humans love to get results fast, we seem to think that we should get things in a microwaved fashion. What we fail to realise is that sometimes microwaved things don’t always taste great and the quality isn’t as great as it could of been if it was oven made. In waiting God gives us direction and guidance from the holy spirit, I mean If Jesus was led into the wilderness by the holy spirit we sure can humble ourselves to be guided by it too. When we are waiting we may be being tested not necessarily by God but more so by the enemy; a big example of the in the bible is Jobs story. This is not a test to determine that we are not worthy of Gods love but is a testing of our faith both when we have ‘worldly wealth’ and when we are faced with a storm.

Waiting can also serve as preparation for your next season, God needs you to wait and seek him at deeper level so that he can prepare you for your future. God will never give us something that that we cannot handle (by his strength of course), he will not send us in blind, he is our biggest supporter and encourager and he is for us not against us.

So, the next time God draws you out to call you to wait make sure you listen and be disciplined in doing so.

“Be still and know that I am God. I will exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” Psalms 46:10

Peace and love

TishaJayy xxx

 

 

What tribe? Trust who?

Hey Queens and kings,

It’s nearly Monday and some of you, like me are thinking urgh! I spent the whole weekend working or studying *rolling eyes emoji* where was my tribe at? Do I even have a tribe? and then something called trust or lack of comes creeping into your mind. Yup I’m going there! So, grab your ginger beer guys and get ready to feel some type of way!

Me, Myslef and I…

Fortunately I have a great tribe which consists of some amazing friends and family but because I’ve got so much on my plate at the moment I rarely have ‘Me time’ let alone time to socialise. This being said I always try to whatsapp/text or snap them once a week. It also means that when I don’t do that I start to think ‘hold up, this friend didn’t bother checking in on me’ or ‘Are they really my friends?’. I start going into ‘I can do good all by myself’ mode, I see you …don’t act like you don’t do this too.

But then, the worst happens and by the worst I mean; the essay you’ve been working on didn’t save properly, someone ate that food you’d been saving or you didn’t get the job you wanted even though you know you smashed the panel. Suddenly, ‘I can do good all by myself’ mode doesn’t seem too pretty and you start to want someone who you can talk rubbish to at 3am, someone who is there when you get rushed into hospital or that friend who is your Iron and edit reads the first draft of your book that is coming out at the end of June (Shameless plug alert HA). Shockingly, I becomes much more damaging than self, Tisha what are you even talking about?!

The self and I…   

These are my thoughts on the self and I, so bare with me Queens and Kings! So in my opinion, ‘I’ is the part of us that turns what we think is self love into something more damaging. For example we (me included) let past hurts make us have trust issues and so we stop ourselves from getting close to people (our view of self love) God has put in your life for a reason and so we end up lonely, get it? We are too afraid of things of this world and unaware of Gods divine plan for our lives and how he makes things work together for our good.

Whereas the ‘Self’, again in my opinion, is the part of us that is constantly evolving. The part of us that listens to God and gives people a chance to get close to us, the part of us that through the storms allows God to provide us with a tribe that will be there for us when we need them and lastly it’s the part of us that pours into other people.

God and therapy… 

I’ve talked about God a lot in this post because I’d be so low, if I didn’t have God in my life, it may seem crazy to you but my relationship with God sustains me through everything I go through. This world throws so much at me and sometimes really tries to make my faith weak but knowing I have God gives me the peace of mind that I’ve always needed. Without even knowing it, God and my faith has been apart of my therapy for a long time. Therapy as I’ve explained before was something that I thought only people who thought they had ‘problems needed’, as a part of my course I  have to have some form of arts therapy. Oh my, how it made me really get to know the ‘I’ part of me. Therapy is allowing me to be confronted by parts of myself I didn’t know I had or chose to ignore and God and my faith are giving me the love, safety, power and confidence I need to re-align myself. It’s very hard for some people to understand but both have helped me navigate through this temporary time I have.

Ending note … 

Let God establish your tribe and don’t let the enemy attack it. – TishaJayy

peace and love TishaJayy

Being single, struggle or nah?

Dear Queens and kings,

I hope your week has been good and If it hasn’t then I’m sorry, lets try and make next week better. If you’re a regular you know what to do, grab your ginger beer and get comfy but If you’re new I suggest you go and read some earlier posts and posts that give you a little bit of insight about my last few months.

You’re back! Great….

So, this week I want to talk about being single… I can hear some of you saying “For, why?!” and to that I say because there seems to be a negative stereotype attached to being single and a woman (I mean, I am one so I should know).

Does single mean you’re too picky and too independent?

It seems that as society progresses women are having babies at a later age and are choosing to focus on their career before starting a family. I am one of those women and yes I am only 22 but the constant reminder that ‘I need to settle down soon before my time runs out’ is deafening loud. Apparently ‘a young woman like me should have a gang of men lining up’ and it’s not that I don’t have potential men that I could date, its just that none of them are what I need/deserve. I have kissed a few frogs and the more frogs you kiss the more you realise theres a perfectly imperfect prince God is setting aside for you.

Now, don’t get me wrong sometimes I’m like “God, everybody is settling down; getting married and having babies and then there is me getting too excited when the waiter brings out my food”. Sometimes it’s a little upsetting/irritating and can seem to appear unfair that you are the only single person in social situations.

On the other hand I get to develop more, I get to do what I want when I want. I could book a holiday, change my career or buy a new car without having to worry about anyone else. The most important thing I have been able to do is find God which has meant that I have then found myself.

Does that mean you don’t want a man?

Bruh? Come on now, of course I’d love to be with someone and build our future together but at the same time I am slowly starting to realise that this ‘single season’ should be met with 24/7 work rate (in all areas of my life). I’m constantly working and trying to evolve into the woman God desired me to be. So, If God brings him my way then I wouldn’t complain but I’m focused on building right now.

To wrap this one up I’m going to leave you with a question:

What are you building?

Peace and love,

TishaJayy xxx